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The excerpt today is Chapter 9. It is about knowing that our spouses are not the enemy in our lives. We need to care and love them as they should us as well.
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Chapter 9
I Am Not the Enemy
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise, the wife to her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3
In our daily lives we go about trying to just make it through the day. And we spend much of our time worrying about tomorrow. We do not know where to turn for comfort.
I learned through my own troubled times that I have one place I can always turn besides prayer and meditating on God. It is someplace (someone) right in my home. My wife. I’ve learned that a spouse should be your special place of refuge.
And I’ve learned that my wife Charlotte is not the enemy. There were times when I wondered about this, and struck back. Through counseling, I realized that she is my strength—and my friend. In the past I always tried to blame her for many of my problems. If I was depressed, it was her fault. If I failed at something, it was her fault.
Our personal counselor made us think and really look at each other. Each of us had to decide if the other really was on our side. Or was my spouse the enemy? This, of course, was an easy choice.Charlottewas not the enemy. She wants the best for me, and I want the best for her. So why do we spend so much time blaming our spouses for our problems?
They are the ones we should be going to for help with our problems. If there is an unresolved issue that has come between the two of you, sitting in silence only fuels the problem.
We need to consider the feelings of our spouses, and stop putting ourselves ahead of them. We need to clean up our inner feelings before we can attempt to help others. If we do this and really try to stick with that formula, the regret we feel should be because we haven’t done what we feel we should have done to uplift our spouses.
Think of your spouse as your sounding board, your place of refuge. You need to consider your spouse a place for you to share hurt, and a place where you can feel free to “unload,” without judgment or punishment.
Talk to your spouse and let him or her know that you do not think of them as your enemy, and also let them know that you are on their side and want to help them in any way as they go through their daily lives.
Your heavenly Father is, of course, not your enemy. Neither is your spouse, who is your earthly companion that you should always feel free to share your hurts with—just like you would with God.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives,
and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you
of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:7
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
Further Adventures
Sit down and list the good things you know about your spouse. Now write the things that you consider bad things. Look at each of them, and then throw the bad things in the garbage. Keep the good things and concentrate on them. There is a saying, “Write your hurts in the sand and your happiness in cement.” This way your hurts will wash away, and you can always see your happiness. This is the step toward a happier marriage. Don’t keep score of the bad feelings. Only count the good.
Something to Ponder
Wouldn’t it be funny if Adam said to Eve, “Watch it; I have plenty of ribs where you came from”?