Violence in Military Marriages is far Too common, and Needs to Stop.

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Military news….

The last living WWII Medal of Honor recipient has died

Hershel “Woody” Williams was 98.

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Air Force selects new helmet to replace the one pilots have loved to hate since the 1980s

The Air Force picked a new helmet that could keep fixed-wing aircrew members more comfortable and injury-free.

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The US military is the only thing stopping China from swallowing Taiwan whole

As China steps up its rhetoric against Taiwan, lessons must be learned from the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

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Social media can be a weapon, and it’s time US troops get trained on it

Leaders need to be taught the risks and rewards of social media in a new era of information warfare.

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Russian boat reportedly sunk while bringing supplies to Black Sea island made famous by Ukrainian guards

A Russian military tugboat carrying a surface-to-air missile launcher to Snake Island in the Black Sea sank after two Ukrainian missiles struck it, Kyiv announced Friday.

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Endless shelling and dead soldiers: A vicious artillery war spreads in Ukraine

It’s a pitiless artillery war, perhaps not seen since WWI, involving less strategy than slugfest, both sides lob barrage and counter-barrage over a see-sawing front line and hope to still be standing when they pulverize the other side into submission or withdrawal.

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US and NATO seen in more favorable light abroad as world sours on Putin, survey finds

A median of 65% of those polled across 11 alliance member countries held favorable views of NATO, compared with 26% having negative views, Pew said.

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Here is another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. This is one aspect of the military people take for granted. However, they can’t forget it because it impacts their whole family.

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Violence in Military Marriages

In the military it is all too common that domestic violence raises its ugly head. The spouse that is left behind usually gets the brunt of it. Some signs that you may be one of those victims are:

  • Are you slowly, helplessly letting the continuous grip of despair come over you?
  • Are you pounded by guilt others have placed on you like the waves hitting the shores on the Oregon coast?
  • Does your marriage feel dead or burnt out?
  • Have you cried so much that the reservoirs for your eyes have dried up?
  • Do you fear the times when your spouse is coming home?
  • Do you feel it is better to remain silent than to say anything at all?
  • When you do speak, are you chastised or even beaten?

If you face any of these situations, you are in a domestic violence trap. Domestic violence sucks the joy out of anyone. You shouldn’t be like a bobble-head doll and let someone slap you around until you nod the way they want you to.

Angry people want to see how powerful they are.

Loving people want you to see how powerful you are.

Chief Red Eagle

His statement is so true. Angry people want to crash the hopes of those around them. They want to crush their dreams. They have to be in control. They seek power and seek submission from others.

Let’s look at what we can do to try to even the playing field in a marriage, military or otherwise.

Things that hurt a marriage can be:

  1. Making your spouse look bad in public. This can happen a lot in the military because there are a lot of functions that require their personnel to come with a spouse, and this seems to be a prime place to show others who is the boss.
  2. Putting coal in those angry snowballs you throw. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can destroy me. So many times violence starts from a shouting match where one spouse is calling the other horrible names.
  3. Using threatening statements like, “I am leaving for good,” is so hurting that the other spouse will give in and allow the horrible dream to continue.
  4. Using absolute words like “always” and “never” when you describe something your spouse does or doesn’t do can crush their heart. Saying, “You always cook the wrong food,” or “You never keep the house clean enough,” is very degrading and harmful to the marriage.

One thing I’ve noticed when someone says they have a perfect marriage is that it is easy to see that one of them is in complete control. Feelings are not allowed. The outward appearance can be deceiving. If one spouse is always quiet and you seldom hear a word from them, it is often a bad sign. Silence is a deal breaker in most marriages.

If you are a victim, or even the aggressor, you need to change the path that you’re going down. You need to do a U-turn and go back to when you both were madly in love.

Have you ever noticed in the western movies when a cowboy has ridden his horse for a while he then stops, turns around, and then looks back? Why do they do that?

They do it because the trail looks different looking back than when they rode over it. It is a way to know your way back if you need to go that way again.

If you’re in the middle of a domestic violence situation, you need to look back and find your way back to where you both where truly in love.

One thing to remember is that when you first married you thought your spouse was nearly 100 percent awesome, and you knew the other amount was under construction.

Here is a big secret. (Now don’t tell anyone.) If we spent more time acting like we were still courting our spouses long after the marriage takes place, there would be less divorces and domestic violence in this world.

We need to keep forging ahead to find new ways to make things work for us. It’s like a river that reaches places the beginning of the river never knew. There will be new paths that we have never been on, and there will be walls we have never faced. But like that same river that meanders around obstacles, we have to find ways to go through, around, or under those walls to keep the home fires burning.

We need to quit looking for the bad in our spouse. It is like looking for weeds instead of enjoying all the flowers around them.

We must allow our spouse to become. By that I mean like when a caterpillar goes completely into a cocoon and is stripped of all form; yet it is changed into a beautiful butterfly. People are like that.

We also need to God in our lives. We need to have Him heal the open wounds of the heart and exchange the horrible looks on our faces with a smile. He can do that if we allow Him to.

If both spouses let go of their own desires and allow God to guide their lives, love will automatically overflow from each them. Of course, we know that love conquers everything.

If you are a victim, get help from the proper sources in the appendix. If you are the aggressor, do the same. There are anger management sources in the back. 

IWILL

Domestic violence is very much in the minds of all people these days because of the tremendous exposure it is getting in professional athletics. Way too many sports figures have made headlines because of domestic violence. The subject is now out in the open for all to think about in their own lives.

I agree that as military, you are living a regimented and strict life you have to obey every day. But there are no excuses to bring it home and use it on your spouse.

Use any resources you can to end the terror and humiliation of domestic violence.

Think about this

Isn’t it sad how we allow others to dictate our lives to us when we are capable of much more?

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Checking in on you. How are you doing? Is everything going OK, or are you fighting back memories?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 15,219 Veterans on this site who have your back.

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If you are battling mentally, but you are losing, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will not hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up.

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

One of The hardest Things to do in the Military is to Keep Marriages Working Smoothly

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Military news…

US special operations presses on in Ukraine amid threat of Russian invasion
U.S. special operators are continuing with a mission to build up an elite fighting force in Ukraine, military officials said, even as Russia threatens invasion.

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US forces in Germany contend with soaring COVID numbers as country reaches new pandemic record

In the Kaiserslautern area, 68 new infections among U.S. forces were confirmed last week, which is believed to be the highest on record, according to a report.

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Celebrated Tuskegee Airman Charles McGee dies at 102

Charles McGee, a Tuskegee Airman who flew 409 fighter combat missions over three wars and later helped to bring attention to the Black pilots who had battled racism at home to fight for freedom abroad, died Sunday.

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France gives its highest honor to 100-year-old WWII paratrooper from Florida who fought on D-Day

France officially thanked Earl Mills at his farm in Live Oak, Fla., almost 78 years after he parachuted from a U.S. Army plane over Normandy, part of a wave of Allied soldiers determined to liberate the country and the rest of Europe from the threat of the Nazi regime.

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Amid Labor Shortage, Army Offers Largest Enlistment Bonus Ever

The Army offered $50,000 enlistments bonuses to incentivize recruits to join amid the labor shortage aggravated by the pandemic.

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U.S. Considers Backing an Insurgency if Russia Invades Ukraine

Senior Biden administration officials warned that the United States could throw assets, including offensive weapons, intelligence, and cyber behind a Ukrainian insurgency if Russia invades Ukraine.

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Milley, Berger, Test Positive For COVID-19

Army Gen. Mark Milley, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. David Berger, tested positive for COVID-19 and were experiencing mild symptoms.

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Here is another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life.

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Marriage is not a Four Letter Word

Sometimes the military life has its low moments and one of them is how a marriage is in danger whenever a soldier is deployed. It seems that the spouse that has been left behind seeks companionship, or feels alone too much. Even the soldier deployed seems distant and has their minds on other things instead of connections with family.

This is not the fault of either party. In the military people are separated many times. It takes a strong commitment on the part of both people involved to make the marriage last.

This certainly isn’t a perfect marriage. There is the saying, “A ‘perfect marriage,’ is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”

It takes a lot of sacrifice from both people to keep the, “home fires burning.”

If you are in the same boat as many soldiers or veterans are, try to check out your priorities. Is your marriage important to you? Do you feel that your spouse is worth the effort to learn how to compromise?

Most of you say a quick yes, because your spouse is the father/mother of your children, if you have any. Think of the children. They need both parents. The rate of divorces in this world is alarming.

When I retired from teaching I had classes where over 50% of the children in my classes where from broken homes.

Yes, it is hard when you are separated from your family. I have a son who was a career soldier, and he was separated from his wife for two tours of Iraq, and many other missions while he was in the army. He is still very happily married to his wife, and they are closer now then they have ever been.

It isn’t easy to go through separations, but if you really want your marriage to remain solid, it has to start with you. You have to go the extra mile to reach out to your loved one. They will try as well if you show real commitment to them each and every day.

Don’t give up on your marriage. Work hard at keeping it going. Seek counseling, or take steps to show your spouse that they are the most important person in your world. They will believe you and return the love.

IWILL

There are times when we feel that it just may not be worth it to try something. We feel that it is too much work, and may be better to just move on. Marriage is not one of those things. It should be a lifelong commitment. You made the vows, “Until death do us part.” Those aren’t said for a joke. They mean your marriage is forever. You need to find ways to make it work. You will be much happier if you do.

Think about this

Isn’t it sad how so many people just seem to throw away their marriage over a simple argument, or event?

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Come back often to see other excerpts. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do lal future posts will go directly to your inbox.

____________________________________________

Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,660 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

___________________________________________

Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

____________________________________________

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

Spouses Are a Critical part of the Military life

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

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Military news…

The U.S. military is looking for ways to make night vision goggles even more badass, like by making them as lightweight and compact as a pair of regular eyeglasses.

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There’s an abandoned Air Force base with underground tunnels for sale on Facebook right now.

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Two Marines died and 17 were injured in a vehicle rollover accident on a highway near Camp Lejeune, North Carolina on Wednesday.

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“It is still hard to say goodbye to a unit that has so completely defined the experience of being a Marine.” That’s from Marine Lt. Gen. James Bierman, who wrote a memo about the pending deactivation of the legendary 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marines.

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A soldier was beheaded at Fort Bragg over a year ago. The Army still doesn’t know why.

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Russian troops move into Belarus, DOD officials weigh options should Ukraine be invaded
A State Department official said Tuesday that an invasion of Ukraine could now come from its northern border with Belarus after Russian troops were moved into that country for military drills.

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Military services enlisted fewer but better qualified recruits at outset of coronavirus pandemic in 2020, study finds

The Pentagon took in fewer recruits in 2020 than in prior years as the coronavirus pandemic swept across the globe, but those accepted into the military were generally of higher quality than in recent years.

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British C-17s carrying arms to Ukraine fly around German airspace

British C-17 cargo planes carrying anti-tank missile systems have been dispatched to Ukraine, bypassing German airspace in the process in an apparent effort to expedite the delivery of the hardware.

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Here is a very vital chapter from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life.

Military Spouses Have a Huge Task

“Military counts on spouses more than any other job.”

Chief of Staff of the Army, General Ray Odierno (Retired)

One of the toughest situations in the military has to be for a spouse who is left behind during a time of deployment.

I was single when I was deployed to Korea. I was married for only a couple of months before I got out of the military, so I don’t have firsthand experience about this. But I have read many different spouses’ thoughts regarding how it was for them to be at home alone to take on all the tasks by themselves. This chapter will discuss their thoughts and hopefully give you some insight into the world of being a spouse at home during a deployment.

I guess the most important place to start is noting that there are both male and female spouses who are left behind to “hold down the fort,” while their loved one is gone. There are many wives/mothers who are deployed as well as husbands/fathers.

I have found that it may be a little harder for the man who is left behind for a couple of reasons. The most glaring one is the friend circle, or the lack of it. Men often don’t have a very big circle of other male spouses of deployed wives to share their struggles and frustrations with.

They also have to face the few (who, in my opinion, are uneducated) who look down on a man who stays behind and isn’t on the front lines himself. They are ignorant of the fact that in the real world many mothers go off to work and the dad is “Mr. Mom.”

There is no shame in this anymore than in a wife staying home and caring for the children and household.

In general what follows is what either male or female parents go through to survive in the home environment.

It seems they are always at their limit. They need to get kids off to school. Need to clean the house. Take time to do the bills. They are off to the grocery store. Pick up the kids at school. Take them to soccer practice. Pick them up afterwards. Prepare all the meals. Take out the trash. Do the laundry, and put the kids to bed.

I could list many other things the at-home spouse must do, but what I have written so far leads to a very stressful day. As a matter of fact it can be downright overwhelming.

As if all of these concerns weren’t enough, they also worry about their spouse who may be in harm’s way. They worry about enough money coming in to support the family. They may have to get jobs to help out, which leads to daycare issues or older children being home alone at times.

Speaking of the children, they seem strong. They seem to be coping better than the spouses in most cases. However, there are the times they realize their other parent isn’t around and they miss them. They begin to cry and need hugs and love.

It is extremely important that there is a circle of friends for support, male or female. Those friends shouldn’t just say, “How’s your day?” and not really mean it. They need to actually want to know how your day is. They need to sit and listen when you need them.

The distance (both emotional and geographic) between them and their spouse can be very hard. There are missed moments. There are lonely nights. There are times they are angry because they have to make so many of the decisions.

Then when the spouse returns after a long deployment, the dynamics and rhythms of home life have often changed as the at-home spouse carries the load. That can make the re-introduction of the military person into the home a bit awkward.

How about when the spouse is home? Sounds like a perfect situation, except everything depends on what the military wants. It’s hard trying to plan leaves and vacations and special occasions. They often have to be postponed at a moment’s notice.

The on-duty military spouse also may have long hours, even up to 12- to 14-hour days. The family may feel as if the parent is still deployed even though he or she is home.

One of the hardest parts for a military family is the constant moving from one location to another. Every two to three years, they have to pack up everything and move. Each family member loses a circle of friends at the old duty post and then has to make new ones at the next location. This occurs many times during an active military person’s time of service.

There is also the problem of the spouse finding a job at the new duty post. With each move, the spouse has to start at the bottom at their place of employment—if they can find a job and/or are actually over-qualified for an entry-level position. Often employers don’t want to hire someone who will probably be leaving in a couple of years. Sometimes the spouse has to settle for a less-than-ideal job in order to contribute to the family’s finances. 

And when the military says it’s time to go to a new duty post, the non-military spouse is often the one to shoulder the details of the move. I can speak from personal knowledge on this since my daughter-in-law is married to my son who was an Army officer. They moved more than 15 times during his time in the military. They often had to pack up their belongings in a U-Haul and travel sometimes thousands of miles and unload at the other end. My daughter-in-law often had to find the new home before they moved and make all the arrangements. She spent endless hours cleaning, packing, and planning the trip.

One of the toughest times for the military family is the holidays. It’s hard if the family is unable to see the extended family at this time of year. And it’s doubly hard on the family if a parent is deployed. At Christmas, the kids really feel sad because Mom or Dad isn’t there to open presents with them. This is when the at-home spouse really has to be brave and do whatever they can to smooth this time over.

Trying to find happiness in a military family during deployment is tough at best, but I received a note from a woman who told me, “Other people are not responsible for your happiness.” That tough-love statement is very true. We can’t expect other people to make us happy. We need to find our own happiness, and hope that our spouses will also help us in finding that happiness.

In concluding this chapter, I want you to know that many spouses don’t cry because they are weak. They cry because they miss their spouse. Part of that is because they wake up every day wondering if their spouse is still alive.

So to all of you, who are friends and family of those in the military, be sure to tell the military person thank you, but also tell the spouse thank you. They are heroes too.

As in every walk of life, God is the constant force to turn to during stressful times. He is close and hears your cries for help. He will give you comfort, and help you through the daily trials you face.

IWILL

This chapter was one of the hardest for me to write. My heart goes out to those who are left behind. I mentioned my daughter-in-law earlier, and I must say she was an angel in disguise for my son during his military career. She never faltered. She was always by his side. She supported him 100 percent 24/7. I can speak for my son in saying that it would have been a tough road to travel if he hadn’t had her by his side, encouraging him and loving him.

Think about this Isn’t it interesting how some people go unnoticed who are really the wind beneath your wings?

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Come back often to see other excerpts. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do lal future posts will go directly to your inbox.

____________________________________________

Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,650 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

____________________________________________

Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

______________________________________________

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.