Spouses Are a Critical part of the Military life

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Military news…

The U.S. military is looking for ways to make night vision goggles even more badass, like by making them as lightweight and compact as a pair of regular eyeglasses.

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There’s an abandoned Air Force base with underground tunnels for sale on Facebook right now.

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Two Marines died and 17 were injured in a vehicle rollover accident on a highway near Camp Lejeune, North Carolina on Wednesday.

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“It is still hard to say goodbye to a unit that has so completely defined the experience of being a Marine.” That’s from Marine Lt. Gen. James Bierman, who wrote a memo about the pending deactivation of the legendary 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marines.

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A soldier was beheaded at Fort Bragg over a year ago. The Army still doesn’t know why.

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Russian troops move into Belarus, DOD officials weigh options should Ukraine be invaded
A State Department official said Tuesday that an invasion of Ukraine could now come from its northern border with Belarus after Russian troops were moved into that country for military drills.

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Military services enlisted fewer but better qualified recruits at outset of coronavirus pandemic in 2020, study finds

The Pentagon took in fewer recruits in 2020 than in prior years as the coronavirus pandemic swept across the globe, but those accepted into the military were generally of higher quality than in recent years.

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British C-17s carrying arms to Ukraine fly around German airspace

British C-17 cargo planes carrying anti-tank missile systems have been dispatched to Ukraine, bypassing German airspace in the process in an apparent effort to expedite the delivery of the hardware.

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Here is a very vital chapter from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life.

Military Spouses Have a Huge Task

“Military counts on spouses more than any other job.”

Chief of Staff of the Army, General Ray Odierno (Retired)

One of the toughest situations in the military has to be for a spouse who is left behind during a time of deployment.

I was single when I was deployed to Korea. I was married for only a couple of months before I got out of the military, so I don’t have firsthand experience about this. But I have read many different spouses’ thoughts regarding how it was for them to be at home alone to take on all the tasks by themselves. This chapter will discuss their thoughts and hopefully give you some insight into the world of being a spouse at home during a deployment.

I guess the most important place to start is noting that there are both male and female spouses who are left behind to “hold down the fort,” while their loved one is gone. There are many wives/mothers who are deployed as well as husbands/fathers.

I have found that it may be a little harder for the man who is left behind for a couple of reasons. The most glaring one is the friend circle, or the lack of it. Men often don’t have a very big circle of other male spouses of deployed wives to share their struggles and frustrations with.

They also have to face the few (who, in my opinion, are uneducated) who look down on a man who stays behind and isn’t on the front lines himself. They are ignorant of the fact that in the real world many mothers go off to work and the dad is “Mr. Mom.”

There is no shame in this anymore than in a wife staying home and caring for the children and household.

In general what follows is what either male or female parents go through to survive in the home environment.

It seems they are always at their limit. They need to get kids off to school. Need to clean the house. Take time to do the bills. They are off to the grocery store. Pick up the kids at school. Take them to soccer practice. Pick them up afterwards. Prepare all the meals. Take out the trash. Do the laundry, and put the kids to bed.

I could list many other things the at-home spouse must do, but what I have written so far leads to a very stressful day. As a matter of fact it can be downright overwhelming.

As if all of these concerns weren’t enough, they also worry about their spouse who may be in harm’s way. They worry about enough money coming in to support the family. They may have to get jobs to help out, which leads to daycare issues or older children being home alone at times.

Speaking of the children, they seem strong. They seem to be coping better than the spouses in most cases. However, there are the times they realize their other parent isn’t around and they miss them. They begin to cry and need hugs and love.

It is extremely important that there is a circle of friends for support, male or female. Those friends shouldn’t just say, “How’s your day?” and not really mean it. They need to actually want to know how your day is. They need to sit and listen when you need them.

The distance (both emotional and geographic) between them and their spouse can be very hard. There are missed moments. There are lonely nights. There are times they are angry because they have to make so many of the decisions.

Then when the spouse returns after a long deployment, the dynamics and rhythms of home life have often changed as the at-home spouse carries the load. That can make the re-introduction of the military person into the home a bit awkward.

How about when the spouse is home? Sounds like a perfect situation, except everything depends on what the military wants. It’s hard trying to plan leaves and vacations and special occasions. They often have to be postponed at a moment’s notice.

The on-duty military spouse also may have long hours, even up to 12- to 14-hour days. The family may feel as if the parent is still deployed even though he or she is home.

One of the hardest parts for a military family is the constant moving from one location to another. Every two to three years, they have to pack up everything and move. Each family member loses a circle of friends at the old duty post and then has to make new ones at the next location. This occurs many times during an active military person’s time of service.

There is also the problem of the spouse finding a job at the new duty post. With each move, the spouse has to start at the bottom at their place of employment—if they can find a job and/or are actually over-qualified for an entry-level position. Often employers don’t want to hire someone who will probably be leaving in a couple of years. Sometimes the spouse has to settle for a less-than-ideal job in order to contribute to the family’s finances. 

And when the military says it’s time to go to a new duty post, the non-military spouse is often the one to shoulder the details of the move. I can speak from personal knowledge on this since my daughter-in-law is married to my son who was an Army officer. They moved more than 15 times during his time in the military. They often had to pack up their belongings in a U-Haul and travel sometimes thousands of miles and unload at the other end. My daughter-in-law often had to find the new home before they moved and make all the arrangements. She spent endless hours cleaning, packing, and planning the trip.

One of the toughest times for the military family is the holidays. It’s hard if the family is unable to see the extended family at this time of year. And it’s doubly hard on the family if a parent is deployed. At Christmas, the kids really feel sad because Mom or Dad isn’t there to open presents with them. This is when the at-home spouse really has to be brave and do whatever they can to smooth this time over.

Trying to find happiness in a military family during deployment is tough at best, but I received a note from a woman who told me, “Other people are not responsible for your happiness.” That tough-love statement is very true. We can’t expect other people to make us happy. We need to find our own happiness, and hope that our spouses will also help us in finding that happiness.

In concluding this chapter, I want you to know that many spouses don’t cry because they are weak. They cry because they miss their spouse. Part of that is because they wake up every day wondering if their spouse is still alive.

So to all of you, who are friends and family of those in the military, be sure to tell the military person thank you, but also tell the spouse thank you. They are heroes too.

As in every walk of life, God is the constant force to turn to during stressful times. He is close and hears your cries for help. He will give you comfort, and help you through the daily trials you face.

IWILL

This chapter was one of the hardest for me to write. My heart goes out to those who are left behind. I mentioned my daughter-in-law earlier, and I must say she was an angel in disguise for my son during his military career. She never faltered. She was always by his side. She supported him 100 percent 24/7. I can speak for my son in saying that it would have been a tough road to travel if he hadn’t had her by his side, encouraging him and loving him.

Think about this Isn’t it interesting how some people go unnoticed who are really the wind beneath your wings?

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Co,me back often to see other excerpts. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do lal future posts will go directly to your inbox.

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Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,650 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

Military Deployment Can Be Very Hard on a Family

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“I’m just a terp sir … If I charged him, God knows how long it’s gonna take for this to be over.” That’s from an interpreter who accused a Green Beret of sexually assaulting her in Thailand.

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The Army is offering new recruits an even bigger bonus to blow on irresponsible sh-t.

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The top Air Force recruiter compared his command’s progress this year to Apollo 13, the 1970 NASA mission where three astronauts nearly died.

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“I think it is a combat experienced force; but it’s not a combat-tested force.” That’s from Russia expert and retired Army Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, who gave his take on how the Russian army would perform should it invade Ukraine.

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Russia, US hold working dinner to open Geneva talks
A top Russian diplomat predicted “difficult” talks with the United States this week after attending a working dinner with U.S. officials in Geneva on Sunday.

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Fort Bliss judge delays court-martial of soldier charged with death of a child

Col. Robert Schuck, a judge in the Army’s 4th Judicial Circuit, issued a continuance late Friday for Sgt. Justin Cope, who is charged in the death of a child in El Paso in 2019.

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Nearly 8,000 detained in Kazakhstan over violent protests

Nearly 8,000 people in Kazakhstan were detained by police during protests that descended into violence last week.

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Yet another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches’ of Life.

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Deployment Can Be Very Hard on the Military Family

As parents get deployed in the military, there is a void created. The children are left without a mother or father to have for love and guidance. So remember, it can also be very hard on the children as well.

As for the boys in a family there is a need for a father figure to help show them the way. A father can help him acquire knowledge and confidence he needs.

There is a time when a boy needs to seek out his father for attention. There is a need for someone to play catch with, to wrestle with.

I didn’t have a dad that came home each night to give me a hug and share my day with. My parents divorced when I was only about six years old.

My mother called me her “little one,” when I was very young.

I needed a dad to say, Hi Ace, or How’s it going today champ? I never heard that. It was like my dad was deployed to somewhere else, but he was never coming back.  

My mother was my only comfort zone. She had to be the one that showed interest in me. She was the only one who could support me when I needed it. She was my protector, but I needed someone to show me the excitement outside the realm of our home. My mother worked long hours and was very tired when she came home each day.

My mother did teach me toughness. She allowed me to play with toy guns, Beebe guns, and let me play with GI Joe figures. She did this because three of her brothers fought in World War II.  

I didn’t have a dad to go fishing with. That was probably the most glaring thing missing in my childhood. I loved to fish, but didn’t have the proper skills to know how to do it. My Uncle Paul taught me how to fish, but he was a farmer and didn’t have the freedom to go with me during the summer months because that was the busiest time for him. So I grew up fishing by myself. I needed a dad to get excited with me as I pulled in a fish.  

Today, I go fishing with my two sons often, and there is a special bonding there. Now I need to learn how to spend more time with my daughter, and come up with different ways of bonding with her.

Speaking of daughters, they also need their father or mother to be there for them. Sometimes it is the mother who is deployed, and the father becomes “Mr. Mom.”

He needs to find ways to give his daughter the love she needs without mom around. He needs to join in her fantasy tea parties. He needs to allow her to paint his fingernails a special color. She may even want to give dad a perm. No one expects a mother or father to be perfect in a military home. But you should do whatever you can to keep the family united and happy.

One of the happiest times for a military family is when their loved one comes home. I just watched some videos of surprise home visits that no one knew was coming. To see the joy in the children’s eyes and the tears in a wife’s eye make anyone who is half sane to cry for joy as well.

So many months of separation. So many times of loneliness and sadness from missing their loved one came to a screeching end in one moment.

IWILL

I can’t totally relate to each of you that have a family member deployed, and thus causing a mother or father to be absent. However, I did have a broken home when I was little and possibly I did feel the same hurts, and lost moments.

My heart cries out to you, and I hope that you remain strong, and show confidence to your children through a trial that hopefully will only last for a while.

Think about this

Isn’t it true that a family that prays together stays together?

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I know many of you went through this. I know how you feel. I was deployed too.

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If you want to see more excerpts from the book keep coming back. Better yet… go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox.

____________________________________________

Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling being deployed?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,640 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

_____________________________________________

Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

_____________________________________________

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

Preparing for Civilian Life After the Military Can be Very Difficult

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

______________________________________________

Military news…

An Army paratrooper accused of misconduct in 2020 in Syria was cleared of all charges during a court-martial at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

(I was stationed at Ft. Bragg.)

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In a Historic First, Aircraft Carrier Abraham Lincoln Deploys Under Command of Female Captain

USS Abraham Lincoln has deployed to the Western Pacific with the first woman to captain a nuclear-powered carrier, Capt. Amy Bauernschmidt. It’s also the first carrier deployment for a Marine Corps F-35C fighter squadron.

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coronavirus on US bases

South Korean president calls for ‘rigorous’ measures to stem coronavirus on US bases

coronavirus on US bases

The South Korean government needs to work closer with the U.S. military to curb the spread of COVID-19 stemming from American troops stationed in the country, the country’s president said.

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Kansas contractor sentenced for fraudulently taking millions of federal funds meant for disabled vets

A Topeka-based contractor cheated to obtain contracts between 2009 and 2018 that should have gone to firms led by disabled veterans and racial minorities. The type of scheme involved is often called “Rent-A-Vet” or “Rent-A-Minority” fraud., prosecutors said.

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Russia’s rifts with the West keep growing. How did we get here?

Putin has shown an ability to rattle NATO leaders and keep Europe off balance, demanding sweeping security guarantees that include NATO’s ruling out any future expansion in Ukraine or other countries along Russia’s borders. NATO leaders say Moscow cannot dictate the alliance’s move

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Kazakhstan adds uncertainty to talks with Russia on Ukraine

Russia’s decision to send paratroopers into Kazakhstan, where a crackdown on violent anti-government protests has left dozens dead, injects additional uncertainty into upcoming talks over a possible Russian invasion of Ukraine.

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Here is another excerpt from my ucp coming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In an Out of the Trenches of Life.

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Are You Trying to Finish the Race With a Broken Leg?

You have spent several years of your life serving your country. You have had many months of stress, and pain. You may be still in the trenches, or you may be already out in the private sector.

As the time gets near to facing the outside world, separate from the military, are you ready? Do you have a plan? If you are already in the private sector, have you attempted to fit in, or are you hiding from others?

What I have said here doesn’t fit most of you, but there are some who are having difficult times thinking about the future. You worry about the new approach to living. You were used to the strictness, and regimented type atmosphere, and fear that this approach will not be too acceptable in your new environment. Then you are facing a world where you make all the decisions. Some of us do not do well with no one in authority over us.

In the private sector, we have to find a new normal. The first goal at this time is to release the past. The second goal is to plan for the present. The third goal is to look to the future.

Treat each new day, in the private sector, as if there was just a new fallen snow and it has provided a white blanket for you to walk on to form a path that only you take and others follow.  

After we join the private sector, we expect our lives to suddenly be happy, trouble free, and victorious. We forget that victories come only after we fight battles and win. 

There shouldn’t be this barrier between you and what you are trying to accomplish. It is tough enough to survive in this world without other factors digging into your thinking process.

Having stress about facing the new world is like having a broken leg and trying to finish a race. It can be done, but the pain, and agony is almost unbearable.

Help yourself by taking time before you leave the military to study the ways of cooperation’s. Learn how to adjust to the new status quo. Don’t go into a new situation cold turkey.

Read up on life after the military. There are books that can guide you to walk the right path to help ease you into the new world.

Go to night school and get some college credits. There are also online courses you can take no matter where you are in the world. My son was able to get two Masters Degrees while in the military, and this helped him get a very nice job when he retired.

My first few months after I got out of the military were pretty stressful because I had a family. I had to provide, and there weren’t too many jobs to be had. I had to work at jobs I didn’t really like. Some were down right degrading, like the story I told you about working on the “chain gang,” railroad crew.

But I slowly adjusted and eventually found a job in teaching that was very good for not only providing for my family, but was rewarding as well.

Take on this world with vigor, and courage. It is almost as daunting in the private sector as it is in the deserts of Afghanistan. You are a brave soldier for facing that challenge, and I am sure you will be just as brave in the private sector. You will achieve your goals and be a very productive citizen, who has a big feather in their cap. The feather of valor, and commitment, because of your time you served your country.

IWILL

Don’t think that people will look down on you for being a soldier. It may happen from time to time. I went through that when I was a teacher, and invited my son Colonial K.C. Bolton to come and speak to my class. He was honored to come, and the principal even had him speak to the school.

However, there were a couple of the teachers who were anti-war, and wasn’t happy that a soldier was coming to speak. They let me know about it, and I stood my ground. I said I was very proud of my son, and since I was a veteran as well, I felt they were also attacking me.  That quieted them down a little, and they even recanted their thinking after hearing my son share the need for bravery in each of the children’s lives. It was a wonderful talk and the children loved him.

I once said in a talk during a book signing,” Let people feel the weight of who you are, and let them deal with it.”

Think on this

Isn’t it funny how people want to be protected and yet frown on those who do the protecting?

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There will be more excerpts in the future, so keep coming back. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox.

____________________________________________

Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling now that you are a civilian?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,625 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

_____________________________________________

Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

____________________________________________

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.