Violence in Military Marriages is far Too common, and Needs to Stop.

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Military news….

The last living WWII Medal of Honor recipient has died

Hershel “Woody” Williams was 98.

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Air Force selects new helmet to replace the one pilots have loved to hate since the 1980s

The Air Force picked a new helmet that could keep fixed-wing aircrew members more comfortable and injury-free.

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The US military is the only thing stopping China from swallowing Taiwan whole

As China steps up its rhetoric against Taiwan, lessons must be learned from the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

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Social media can be a weapon, and it’s time US troops get trained on it

Leaders need to be taught the risks and rewards of social media in a new era of information warfare.

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Russian boat reportedly sunk while bringing supplies to Black Sea island made famous by Ukrainian guards

A Russian military tugboat carrying a surface-to-air missile launcher to Snake Island in the Black Sea sank after two Ukrainian missiles struck it, Kyiv announced Friday.

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Endless shelling and dead soldiers: A vicious artillery war spreads in Ukraine

It’s a pitiless artillery war, perhaps not seen since WWI, involving less strategy than slugfest, both sides lob barrage and counter-barrage over a see-sawing front line and hope to still be standing when they pulverize the other side into submission or withdrawal.

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US and NATO seen in more favorable light abroad as world sours on Putin, survey finds

A median of 65% of those polled across 11 alliance member countries held favorable views of NATO, compared with 26% having negative views, Pew said.

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Here is another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. This is one aspect of the military people take for granted. However, they can’t forget it because it impacts their whole family.

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Violence in Military Marriages

In the military it is all too common that domestic violence raises its ugly head. The spouse that is left behind usually gets the brunt of it. Some signs that you may be one of those victims are:

  • Are you slowly, helplessly letting the continuous grip of despair come over you?
  • Are you pounded by guilt others have placed on you like the waves hitting the shores on the Oregon coast?
  • Does your marriage feel dead or burnt out?
  • Have you cried so much that the reservoirs for your eyes have dried up?
  • Do you fear the times when your spouse is coming home?
  • Do you feel it is better to remain silent than to say anything at all?
  • When you do speak, are you chastised or even beaten?

If you face any of these situations, you are in a domestic violence trap. Domestic violence sucks the joy out of anyone. You shouldn’t be like a bobble-head doll and let someone slap you around until you nod the way they want you to.

Angry people want to see how powerful they are.

Loving people want you to see how powerful you are.

Chief Red Eagle

His statement is so true. Angry people want to crash the hopes of those around them. They want to crush their dreams. They have to be in control. They seek power and seek submission from others.

Let’s look at what we can do to try to even the playing field in a marriage, military or otherwise.

Things that hurt a marriage can be:

  1. Making your spouse look bad in public. This can happen a lot in the military because there are a lot of functions that require their personnel to come with a spouse, and this seems to be a prime place to show others who is the boss.
  2. Putting coal in those angry snowballs you throw. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can destroy me. So many times violence starts from a shouting match where one spouse is calling the other horrible names.
  3. Using threatening statements like, “I am leaving for good,” is so hurting that the other spouse will give in and allow the horrible dream to continue.
  4. Using absolute words like “always” and “never” when you describe something your spouse does or doesn’t do can crush their heart. Saying, “You always cook the wrong food,” or “You never keep the house clean enough,” is very degrading and harmful to the marriage.

One thing I’ve noticed when someone says they have a perfect marriage is that it is easy to see that one of them is in complete control. Feelings are not allowed. The outward appearance can be deceiving. If one spouse is always quiet and you seldom hear a word from them, it is often a bad sign. Silence is a deal breaker in most marriages.

If you are a victim, or even the aggressor, you need to change the path that you’re going down. You need to do a U-turn and go back to when you both were madly in love.

Have you ever noticed in the western movies when a cowboy has ridden his horse for a while he then stops, turns around, and then looks back? Why do they do that?

They do it because the trail looks different looking back than when they rode over it. It is a way to know your way back if you need to go that way again.

If you’re in the middle of a domestic violence situation, you need to look back and find your way back to where you both where truly in love.

One thing to remember is that when you first married you thought your spouse was nearly 100 percent awesome, and you knew the other amount was under construction.

Here is a big secret. (Now don’t tell anyone.) If we spent more time acting like we were still courting our spouses long after the marriage takes place, there would be less divorces and domestic violence in this world.

We need to keep forging ahead to find new ways to make things work for us. It’s like a river that reaches places the beginning of the river never knew. There will be new paths that we have never been on, and there will be walls we have never faced. But like that same river that meanders around obstacles, we have to find ways to go through, around, or under those walls to keep the home fires burning.

We need to quit looking for the bad in our spouse. It is like looking for weeds instead of enjoying all the flowers around them.

We must allow our spouse to become. By that I mean like when a caterpillar goes completely into a cocoon and is stripped of all form; yet it is changed into a beautiful butterfly. People are like that.

We also need to God in our lives. We need to have Him heal the open wounds of the heart and exchange the horrible looks on our faces with a smile. He can do that if we allow Him to.

If both spouses let go of their own desires and allow God to guide their lives, love will automatically overflow from each them. Of course, we know that love conquers everything.

If you are a victim, get help from the proper sources in the appendix. If you are the aggressor, do the same. There are anger management sources in the back. 

IWILL

Domestic violence is very much in the minds of all people these days because of the tremendous exposure it is getting in professional athletics. Way too many sports figures have made headlines because of domestic violence. The subject is now out in the open for all to think about in their own lives.

I agree that as military, you are living a regimented and strict life you have to obey every day. But there are no excuses to bring it home and use it on your spouse.

Use any resources you can to end the terror and humiliation of domestic violence.

Think about this

Isn’t it sad how we allow others to dictate our lives to us when we are capable of much more?

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Checking in on you. How are you doing? Is everything going OK, or are you fighting back memories?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 15,219 Veterans on this site who have your back.

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If you are battling mentally, but you are losing, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will not hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up.

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While Deployed in the Military, Loneliness Sucks the Life Out of You.

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

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Military news…

‘Tanks and mud are not friends’ — Ukraine’s terrain is proving to be a problem for Russian armor

“Eastern Europe is either frozen or it’s muddy, that’s just how it is.”

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The Army is now letting soldiers pick their first duty station


Make sure to read the fine print, though
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Congress takes step towards granting free health care to millions of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans

It’s one of many needed.

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Where is the Russian Air Force? Experts break down why they might be hiding


“It is clear to us that Russia is losing aircraft and helicopters at a damaging rate.”

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Putin likens sanctions to ‘declaration of war,’ says invasion pushback risks future of Ukrainian statehood

Russian President Vladimir Putin on Saturday said that sanctions and pushback from leaders in Ukraine and around the world in response to the invasion are risking “the future of Ukrainian statehood.”

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Zelenskyy ‘desperate’ plea to US Congress: Send more planes

Fighting for his country’s survival, Ukraine’s leader made a “desperate” plea Saturday to American lawmakers for the United States to help get more warplanes to his military and cut off Russian oil imports as Kyiv tries to stave off the Russian invasion.

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My take….

Putin is directing his bombs on residential areas. Apartments etc. Very barbaric. He is desperate.

He is even losing support from his own military officers. The parliament is not happy either.

An interview of a young teenager in Russia, says he is not happy with his countries choices. He says the allies should help to end this war.

Up to fifty Russian planes have been shot down. 44 tanks have been destroyed. A whole convoy wiped out. Many helicopters destroyed. Seems to be that the Ukrainians are holding tough.

Over 11,000 Russians have been killed.

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Here is another chapter from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the trenches of Life. This one is about the loneliness you face when deployed.

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Loneliness Sucks the Life Out of You

I have written about loneliness already in this book, but I think one of the biggest battles a person in the military may battle is the loneliness that creeps up on them.

Many civilians do not understand how you can be lonely when you have so many other soldiers around you.

It may be hard to comprehend, but all those other soldiers are from all over the country, and do not relate to your needs of needing to connect with your home. They all have their own worlds of loneliness from not hearing from their own loved ones.

I think the worst time of my own loneliness was while I was stationed in Korea. We were stationed on a small base called Camp Red Cloud. There weren’t a lot of soldiers there. I was with the Army Security Agency, and we were there to help keep the peace plus monitor the radio waves to make sure there were no breaches of security.

Being there made me really feel isolated. I was in a foreign country that didn’t speak my language.

That was only part of it. We realized once we settled in to our duties that the people there didn’t want us to be there. We heard rumors about people throwing rocks at the military trucks as they drove from one place to the next. We were protecting them from North Korea, and they wanted us to leave. Didn’t make sense to me, and I am sure it didn’t make sense to any of you who have gone through the same thing.

My task was to be stationed on top of a high hill-they were all numbered- outside of the camp monitoring the radio waves for breaches of security. My hill was hill 468. Talk about being isolated. It was just one person, alone on top of that hill for twelve hour shifts. I was alone inside a deuce and a half ton truck that was full of radio equipment.

The silence was deafening! Just a slight scratch on the roof of the truck had you grabbing your rifle and aiming it at the door. We had antennas attached to the roof to help us get good reception, and the wind often caused the antennas to rub against the roof of the truck. It sounded like someone was on the roof.

You had to be tough. You couldn’t call down to the camp and ask someone to come up. The rest of them had to go through the same things and they knew exactly why you would be calling. No sissy people allowed!!

During the twelve hours shifts you had free time to think, and I mean deep thinking. It wasn’t good to have such long quite times. You thought about home. You thought about that girlfriend waiting for you. You thought about the fun times you were missing, such as fishing in the lake near the farm where I grew up.

So, I know what loneliness is all about. I know what you each have gone through. I feel your pain.

Loneliness is something we allow to happen. We let it creep into our system like the plague. We don’t fight it enough to make it go away.

After about a month of battling the loneliness in Korea I came up with some ideas to conquer loneliness, and survive. Hopefully it will help you as well, if you are deployed or even a veteran back in civilian life:

  • Write a journal. Don’t worry about what to write, just write. I wrote about some fun times I had in high school. I wrote about the biggest fish I ever caught as a youngster. I even wrote about being bullied in grade school. By putting down the good and the bad, I was able to release my feelings down on paper. It was like I was having a session with a counselor, only on paper.
  • I became an avid reader. Reading takes you into another world. A world you become a part of. You feel the pain; the happiness, and the fear the characters go through. They become family and you are guided through their lives in in a way you can learn about coping in your own life.
  • Send letters home. I know many of you now have SKYP and many other ways to communicate, but the written word seems so much more personal to me. Sending a letter to your family is a direct connection that I can almost guarantee you they will cherish, and keep forever.

Among the books I read was the Bible. I read it every day. I found comfort through many of the passages. I recommend Psalms, Isaiah, Jerimiah, Genesis, and Proverbs from the Old Testament and all of the New Testament.

Don’t let loneliness control your life. Take steps to rid the darkness that it can cause in your life. God is always there for you. He loves you. He even loves me warts and all.

IWILL

Loneliness is a direct cause of depression, and sadness. Try to fill your life with things you enjoy. Don’t sit and think of negative things. Don’t hide from the world where you are stationed overseas. Find things to fill your day that will change your attitude, and give you hope.  

Think about this

Isn’t it great that the more we communicate the happier we are?

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Come back and read more chapters from the book, Signs of Hope for he Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on subscribe. When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox.

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Checking in on you. How are you doing? Did you face loneliness while deployed?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 14,104 veterans on this site who have you back. (BTW…on my last post there were 14,068. That is an increase of 36 in just two days. The subscriptions are skyrocketing right now, and I am very pleased.)

Here is what I am asking you to do…please share this site with other veterans you may know. It has helped so many.

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If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

________________________________________________________________

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.