Suicide is One of the Highest Risks for Service Members in the Military

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What follows is a very long article about suicide. I am sorry it is so long, but I am not sorry that I am asking you to read it to the end.

One of my priorities as a veteran has been to reach out to those who are suffering with depression, anxiety, and have suicidal thoughts.

This article is from the Task and Purpose organization. They have great reads about the military. You can look it up through Google and have it delivered to you inbox everyday.

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Years ago this soldier almost died by suicide. Now, he’s telling his story in hopes of saving someone else.

James McGuffey was 30 years old when he found himself lying in bed, half drunk, with a pistol in his mouth. 

That night in June 2008 was the culmination of years of trauma and stress that had gone unaddressed, and it wasn’t the first time he’d had thoughts about self-harm. A month prior in May, the Army Ranger, who was a sergeant first class at the time, chased “a bunch of pills” with Wild Turkey bourbon. Luckily some of his friends took him to the hospital where he got his stomach pumped. They told him they wouldn’t say anything. They begged him to get help.

But it wasn’t that easy. It rarely is. 

McGuffey, now a command sergeant major with the 3rd Infantry Division Artillery, voiced the same fears a lot of service members mention when talking about behavioral health: How will it impact my career? What about my security clearance? How will I be perceived by my command, and by my peers?  But in a conversation at 3rd ID’s headquarters at Fort Stewart, Georgia, last week, he explained how getting the help he needed saved his life and his career, putting him on a path towards healing that before had felt out of reach. Now he shares his story with other soldiers in the hopes it will encourage them to take action and get the help they need — and prompt leaders to listen to their soldiers. It’s not a suicide prevention brief, he made sure to clarify; it’s about how to get through life.

The underlying theme is similar to another soldier in the unit, Capt. Chelsea Kay who lost her older brother, also a soldier, to suicide when she was a cadet at West Point, New York. Kay now gives presentations to help other soldiers recognize signs that someone may need help, so they can intervene and potentially save a life. 

Suicide prevention is one of the primary focuses of the Army’s This is My Squad initiative, which encourages leaders to get to know their soldiers, and soldiers to get to know their teammates. The goal is to build a culture where soldiers feel comfortable speaking up about challenges they might be facing, whether in the Army or in their personal lives. Frankly, it can’t happen soon enough; suicides had a reported increase of 30% among active-duty soldiers last year, with a 41% increase in the Army Reserve. 

“One thing I’ve learned is steel sharpens steel,” McGuffey explained. “I don’t want to talk to the chaplain or I would’ve gone to the chaplain — I want to talk to you, because you know, you’ve been in longer than me, you’ve experienced more than me. So part of this is, if you’re a leader, stop looking at situations through your lense. Look at it through different lenses, and listen to your soldiers. Let them tell you their story.” 

McGuffey’s story didn’t end the night his friends urged him to get help. In fact, it only got worse. After his attempted overdose in May, he said all he could think about was, “Oh my God, all my buddies have seen me vulnerable.” In the weeks that followed he was getting “drunk every night” until that night in June when he was renting a room from one of his Ranger buddies and getting even closer to ending his life. 

But as he laid there with a gun in his hand, his mom called. McGuffey, a self-proclaimed “mama’s boy,” answered the phone.

“My mom, in tears, she’s like ‘Something told me I had to call you,’” McGuffey said, nearly in tears himself. “So I broke down and started telling her everything I was dealing with.” 

She saved his life that night, and McGuffey said he’s made sure she knows it. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to get the help he needed until days later. He was at work at Fort Benning “just seeing red, everything was agitating me.” All it took was a joke from his boss that finally pushed him over the edge. 

“It was literally a joke … and I lost it. I blacked out, and by the time I came to I’ve got four Rangers, they literally had to hold me down and take me to our regimental psych at the time,” he said. “They forced me in there.” 

It wasn’t just one thing that had pushed McGuffey to that point, but a slow burn over many years and many deployments downrange. Following the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks, he was deploying “all the time.” Some of those deployments were “really, really good,” he said, and others were “really, really bad.” All in all, McGuffey has a total of 11 deployments to Afghanistan and two to Iraq under his belt. He’d also been through two divorces by that point — the first because his wife had “skipped town with my gunner at the time, which was cool,” and the second because of the demands of the Army, which kept him on the road more often than not.

“We were just two separate people,” he said of his second marriage. 

Despite the strain he was under, he couldn’t bring himself to ask for help. He said the stigma around post traumatic stress disorder was “at an all-time high.” He was worried about his career and his security clearance. But that day in June when his friends sat him down in the psychiatrist’s office, he “just broke down.” 

“I was a younger, faster, hotter model then,” McGuffey laughed. “So you’ve got this 265 pound Ranger, 8% body fat — totally bragging — hugging a pillow, just alligator tears.” 

The doctor didn’t say a word, just stayed on his computer and let him get it all out, McGuffey said, until finally he gave him the game plan: McGuffey was going to change into a set of civilian clothes in the office, go out the back door, and someone was going to drive him to see a psychologist named Dr. Rose in Columbus, Georgia.

That first session was “one of the greatest conversations” McGuffey said he ever had. He talked with Dr. Rose for two hours, and was ultimately put on some medication. But the second meeting was when he finally “started having hope.” 

“The dump truck that was parked on my chest was slowly backing off,” he said. “I was reinflating.” 

went back for appointments twice a week for three months, and then once a week for several more. He was taking his medication and it was actually helping, he said. It wasn’t long before some of those same friends who took him down to the psych’s office were asking him how it was going, how was he feeling? Was it working? 

He told them it was, and soon McGuffey was sharing his story with other soldiers as well. He said three months later, despite his fears that what had happened would hurt his career, he was promoted. He felt a “new sense of purpose” in helping others, which led him to where he is today, telling his story with the hope it helps someone else take that step towards healing. He doesn’t see the same amount of stigma around behavioral health as he did over a decade ago. McGuffey said he wants to encourage soldiers to use the resources available to them, and encourage junior leaders to know what resources to point their soldiers to.

And like so many other parts of the military, suicide prevention is often a team effort. Recognizing the signs that a teammate is under significant strain, could use someone to talk to, or is struggling with something in their personal life can make all the difference. That’s the message that Capt. Kay also emphasizes in her presentation — what to look for, and how to do something about it. 

Kay not only covers suicide prevention, but substance abuse. Her brother, who during her presentation is introduced only as Cpl. Flannery, was suffering from PTSD and bipolar disorder, and was injured in a vehicle roll-over during a deployment to Iraq. He was struggling in his personal life, trying to get custody of his two children and going through a divorce. 

She shows soldiers her brother’s Facebook posts to illustrate warning signs that could have been spotted those six years ago, things like posting about being sober and then posting about drinking again only two weeks later. “What he’s saying here is hey, I have a dependency,” Kay said. Next she showed posts about her brother selling his musical instruments, which as anyone who knew him would know meant the world to him. Then came the Facebook posts about failed relationships where it almost sounds like he’s saying goodbye. 

It’s things that someone who really knew him might have noticed as concerning, Kay said. And though at least one friend did notice something and comment on one of his posts asking Flannery to call him, and his cousin had him on the phone the night of his death, it ultimately hadn’t been enough.

“Feb. 10, 2015, I was in my last year in New York, and I woke up with three missed calls,” Kay explained. “And my Dad when I called him, he said ‘Chelsea, your brother killed himself.’” 

What she found out in the wake of her brother’s death was that he was “on a lot of painkillers” because of his accident, and when she and her family looked into them they found that the drugs he’d been prescribed directly counteracted the bipolar medication he was on. But no one knew, so no one could help. Had his friends and loved ones known about the painkillers and his struggles with alcohol, someone might have been able to intervene, and her brother might still be alive, Kay said.

It’s this level of involvement that Kay wants to encourage in leadership; knowing what their soldiers are going through, knowing what their struggles are so they can look out for them.

“When we consider This is My Squad, this is the level that we need to be at as leaders,” Kay said. “So I encourage all of my soldiers and my junior leaders and my senior leaders; we have to understand the difference between invasive and intrusive leadership versus involved leadership.” 

Knowing about the important relationships in a soldier’s life can be a game changer, Kay said, because those relationships falling apart is “one of the big factors that leads someone to reaching this dark place.”

It’s the same message McGuffey wants to impress on soldiers when he speaks to them: Take care of your teammates, know them enough so they trust you and are able to talk about their “deepest, darkest secrets,” whether that’s a relationship problem or financial issue. Building that trust and having that dialogue, McGuffey said, is paramount.

And ultimately, ask questions. Kay mentioned the Army’s “Ask Care Escort” (ACE) training program which centers around teaching soldiers how to intervene with those that may be at risk of suicide. Sometimes, she said, that includes directly asking: “Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

“That’s a very uncomfortable question. ‘Why would I ever do that?’” Kay said, explaining how soldiers can be hesitant to take that step. “The harder question is, ‘Why did I not?’”

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How are you doing? Have you had suicidal thoughts? I did many years ago, and I am still here to talk to you.

Fear Not!

There are over 11,970 fellow veterans subscribed to this site that have your back.

BUT!! If it is just too overwhelming for you right now, GET HELP!

Here is a toll free number you can call 24/7.

There are highly qualified counselors there to help you. They will not hang up until they know you are OK.

DO NOT go through another minute fighting the dark side.

1-800-273-8255 Option # 1

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know about it.

Sad, but Honest Endorsement by a Daughter Who lost Her Dad to Suicide

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit for the site, please let them know about it. You may be saving a life. Your comments will not be seen by other people, just me, and I will connect with you to see if you are OK to share it.

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I was going to share some more stats, and short stories about veterans, but today I am going to get you caught up on how my book is doing.

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I keep getting more endorsements by the day. Here’s a very appreciated endorsement from a daughter who lost her WWII father to suicide:

Learn from the best, Douglas Bolton, U.S. Army Veteran who has written a great book for all veterans, active duty service members of all branches, military families, friends and non-veterans. It provides a thorough understanding, knowledge, and the real stories among those who have served and their families that compliment today’s American Veterans.  Signs of Hope for the Military: In an Out of the Trenches of Life can make a big difference in today’s understanding of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and its affects.  As the daughter of Vietnam Marine Veteran that suffered all of his life with PTSD and then finally ended his own life, it will make a big difference in your life as you read the personal stories.  This author does a great job of creating a sense of urgency by calling it a “must-read,” and ends with a powerful “call to action” for the reader. 

Bella L. Burroughs

Daughter of WWII Veteran

Castle Rock, CO

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That really struck home with me. That is why I am writing the book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In an Out of the Trenches of Life.

There are over 22 veterans who take their own lives every day! Yes I said every day. That breaks ny heart, and hopefully this book will help some of them enough that they don’t take that final step.

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I shared a story for my basic training recently. Now I wil share one of the stories of when I was deloyed to Korea.

I came to Korea in not too bad of weather. I would learn later what they meant by, “The land of the frozen Chosen.”

My first day at Camp Red Cloud

was scary of course. I knew no one! I fet like I was isolated on a tiny island. I got to my Quanset Hut, and unpacked. I was sitting on my bunk, when two guys came in. They were two very different guys. One looked like a line backer for football, and the other was very tall.

The line backer was from Alabama, and was black. The other was a “tall drink of water,” from Texas. They both looked very intiminating. I even wondered if this was a “hazing” like in college.

Instead they both walked up to me and reached out their hands for a shake. They both had a friendly look on their faces. They said they were glad I was there, and if needed anything to let them know. I was overcome with the greeting, and thank them for making me feel welcome

I stuck close to those two guys for the rest of my time in Korea. Why wouldn’t you want a linebacker, and a tall drink of water looking after you?


Those two guys would later get me into a lot of trouble. They loved to have fun, and they wanted me to be a part of it.

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Time to do bed check. How are you doing today? Are you having trouble facing the world?

You certainly are not alone my friend. There are 9,580 other veterans on this site, and they all have your back. Make a comment at the bottom if you want to reach out to them.

If it is getting too overwhelming, GET HELP! There is a toll free number you can call 24/7. It has highly quailified counselors there to help you. They will not hang up until they know you are OK.

Here is that number: 1-800-273-8255 Option # 1

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit for the site, please let them know about it. You may be saving a life. Your comments will not be seen by other people, just me, and I will connect with you to see if you are OK to share it.

Losing a Buddy in the Military is Hard at Best

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit for the site, please let them know about it. You may be saving a life. Your comments will not be seen by other people, just me, and I will connect with you to see if you are OK to share it.

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I have been reading about all the upgrading the military is doing in all the different branches. In my opinion, we control the skies.

Why is it happening right now.?It is because President Trump has allocated much more money for the military, and this allows them to more testing and upgrading. I cannot see how anyone could say that Trump doesn’t like the military.

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I lost a dear friend recently who was a military buddy. We were very close. We connected almost everyday on RallyPoint, a Military social network. It was so sudden we all were stunned. Losing a comrade like that is very hard to handle.

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Have you lost a military buddy?

I know exactly what you went, or are going through. It is like losing a brother or sister. They were closer than many family memebers when you served with them.

This is a problem for many veterans who battle PTSD because of the loss.

They replay the loss over and over again in their heads. They can’t shake it. It haunts them even when they try to sleep.

I said I lost a buudy I knew through RallyPoint, but I also lost buddies I served with while I was deployed to Korea. When I enlisted I did it under the buddy system. Two other high school buddies and I enlsited the same day hoping we would be stationed together. It worked out fine. We were in basic training together, and we all got deployed to Korea.

This is when the story gets very sad. One of my buddies didn’t make it home. He died in Korea. It was a strange unknown death in many ways. All They could tell us is that he caught a virus of some kind. I think of him often.

While in Korea I made some close friends. Many of my company did things together. We were a “team.” When one suffered we all suffered. When one was glad we were all glad.

One of those very close buddies of mine got too very drunk one night and when he staggered back the the camp from the villiage, he fell into a “Honey Bucket.” This is a hole in the ground that the people filled with human waste to fertilize their rice.

He fell into one and sufficated. I was numb for a couple of weeks. So was the rest of the team. No one were talking to each other. Just do your job, and head to your qounset hut. (Barricks)

So I have been there with you. I lost three buddies. I am blessed that I didn’t aquire PTSD, but I was severly depressed when i got nack to the states. So much so, I was ready to end my life in 2001. I didn’t, and I am here crying in my beer.

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So now that I totally depressed you, How are you doing? Have you lost a buddy? Has it changed your life? Please do not let this happen. Seek some help if you are feeling this way. Below is a toll free number you can call 24/7. If you are the end of your rope, GET HELP!!

1-800-273-8255 Option # 1

There are highly qualified counselors there to help you. Tey will not hand up until they know you are OK.

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit for the site, please let them know about it. You may be saving a life. Your comments will not be seen by other people, just me, and I will connect with you to see if you are OK to share it.

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Remember:


You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!