The Most Precious Things in Life Cannot be Bought

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I will be having a huge announcement about my book, “Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World,” coming up in about a week. That’s all I’m telling you for now. Be sure to come back often to see when it pops up.

This book reaches out to those who may be suffering from anxiety, fear, depression, addictions, self-doubt, hopelessness, and the many other usual suspects.

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I have another excerpt from the book, “Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World.” This chapter is about resentment. Resentment only hurts the person who is full of resentment.

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Chapter 68

 

The Most Precious Things in Life Cannot Be Bought

 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together imperfect unity (emphasis mine).

Colossians3:12-14

 

Have you ever walked around balancing a chip on your shoulder? It’s heavy on one side of your body and makes you walk funny. Have you had an argument with someone and then never spoken to them again for years? You have to put on an unhappy face every time that person comes by. That is very difficult.

I felt resentment against my father for over 60 years! He gambled and played poker, which sometimes left our family without grocery money. This went on for a few years until my mother divorced him.

I had a great deal of resentment against him for what he had done to our family. He didn’t keep in contact with my brother and me very often—maybe once a year for a special function or a trip of some kind. He had married a woman with several children. I thought he didn’t have time for us. I didn’t think he loved us. This went on for years.

            I used the word resentment in my short description of my father. The word resentment literally means “to feel again.” I spent 60 years filled with resentment. I kept reliving the past. I felt abandoned. I felt unloved.

Philip Yancey, the renowned Christian author, wrote in his book, What’s So Amazing About Grace?: “Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong.” 1 He then goes on to quote Lewis Smedes, who has written extensively on forgiveness and interpersonal relationships: “When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.”2

My father was not my enemy. I should have put the word father in the quote. He was my father, and I desperately wanted his love. I needed a father like the other kids had. My heart ached when my friends told me about their fishing trips with their dads or about their dads taking them camping.

My resentment grew to a point where I didn’t care if I ever saw my father again. I hurt even more when I saw him with his stepchildren, joking and laughing with them.

Then the worst happened. My father had a massive stroke. He lay on his bedroom floor for several days without help. Finally a concerned neighbor called 911. Someone called me and I rushed to the hospital, arriving just as the ambulance got there. My father was awake and coherent. He was aware that I was there as they ran various tests. He seemed upbeat and even smiled. I began to feel saddened by his demeanor. This was a man I had spent 60 years resenting, and he was trying to make me smile!

They moved him up to a room and I spent many hours by his side. He lived about a week longer. In those few short days, we drew extremely close. I held his hand as we talked about the past. When I’d return after a short break, my father would hold his hand up, waiting for me to come back and hold it. He seemed to know he wasn’t going to make it.

He wasn’t supposed to have any water because the nurse said that people his age (he was 86) get pneumonia very easily, and the water might fill up his lungs. He begged me for water. I knew he didn’t have much time left. I went ahead and gave him some ice to wet his lips. He smiled a very big smile and called me his water boy. He told all of his visitors the same thing: “This is my water boy.” My father was a sports fanatic. To use the term water boy was a gesture of affection.

My heart nearly broke. I was his water boy. I can’t tell you how wonderful those words sounded to me! He was not always the most tender in his words of love, but to call me his water boy was his way (at least to me) of saying I was special to him, and that he loved me.

I wanted to talk to my father about Jesus—to tell Him how he could have eternal life. I went out in the hall and prayed for God to give me the words to say. When I opened my eyes after I prayed, I turned to my right, and walking down the hall was the pastor of my church! I couldn’t believe it. How could that be? He was at the hospital at the right time, on the right floor, and coming down the hall just as I prayed for help? Was this just a coincidence?

Of course it wasn’t. God sent him, and he went in and asked my father some questions. My father assured him that he had accepted Jesus as his personal savior. My father died two days later.

I was very saddened by his leaving. It is all right to grieve for your loved ones, but if you know they are Christians you have tremendous comfort. You know you will see them again one day.

Yes, I totally forgave my father that night when I heard that he had accepted God’s gift of eternal life. I probably would have forgiven him eventually, but knowing he was a believer made it so much easier to forgive him right then and there. I tossed out my resentment like yesterday’s lunch, and we had a wonderful time the last two days of his life.

Now my resentment is that I wasted 60 years of love and understanding of my father that I could have shared with him. If I could have taken the first step and overlooked my resentment for my father, I could have spent many years as his water boy.

As Christians, we have the comfort of knowing that we have eternal life. My father had that comfort once he accepted Christ. Death comes to all of us. (See Romans 5:12.) We have to go through the process all living things must go through. However, we can be assured that we will have new bodies and be in heaven with God at the end of that process. Being with God, and having new bodies at the same time. Can’t have anything better than that on this earth—or in heaven!

 

He who loves a quarrel loves sin;

he who builds a high gate [around himself] invites destruction.

Proverbs 17:19

 

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

1 Corinthians15:55-56

 

Further Adventures

When you have a loved one die who is a Christian know that they are waiting for you in heaven. My father is there, and when I go to meet him, we will have eternity to catch up on all the years we lost here on earth. I see pictures of him golfing and fishing. I love to do both. Maybe there will be a special golf course in heaven that we can play on forever.

I had played with my dad on a couple occasions. He was a wonderful golfer. He had three holes in one over his lifetime. He can teach me all the good things about how to hit the ball and putt when I see him in heaven. When I play now, I will remember him telling me to concentrate on what the goal is (hitting the ball) and to keep my head down.

You and I do that all the time. It is called praying

 

Something to Ponder

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we mess up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start over?

Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

Above all….never, ever, give up!

 

 

 

 

 

Will you Still Need me; will you Still Love me, When I’m 65?

Loved the Wedding; Invite Me to the Marriage

—God

 

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

 

For the past several decades, weddings have been held in churches. That is a good place to start a life together. The minister talks about loving each other and establishing a Christian home. All things seem to be in place.

It is always a beautiful thing to observe—two people holding hands and making vows of everlasting love. The mothers of the bride and groom have tears in their eyes. Some dads wonder when the ceremony will end. The newly married couple can’t wait to head out on their honeymoon. The reception is a real celebration. Everyone is happy, and the day ends.

Then what? The next day is a new day, and it is the first day of a young couple’s new life together. Decisions have to be made together. They go everywhere together. They are now a team that will last forever.

Eventually the scene changes a little. Both spouses find they need some time alone, but they’re afraid to say so. Resentment can build and they may feel like the walls are closing in on them.

It’s sort of like going to church on Sunday—and then there is Monday. What do you do then? What do you do with what the pastor said in the sermon? How do you make it practical—something you can use all week?

Often the message is soon forgotten, and nothing happens to make Monday any different. We sit and listen to the advice and sermon points on Sunday, sometimes even nodding our agreement, and then we ignore them on Monday.

The advice and promises that are part of the marriage ceremony are vital to the ongoing relationship with a spouse. But during the actual ceremony the bride and groom aren’t listening to the advice. Instead, they’re trying to remember the words they have to say, or they’re worrying about their hair or how they look or if there will be enough food for the guests.

They go into their life together, winging it, flying with no parachute. Marriage does not have to be an on-the-job training situation.

Does this ring a bell? Do you remember your wedding day? Was it all about listening to the advice the minister gave you, or was it about making sure you sliced the wedding cake just right? Maybe it was making sure the photographer took one more picture.

We’ve all been there. It is an exciting, wonderful, important, stressful, nerve-racking day. It is the day we dream of all our lives, and we want to have all the memories forever.

But as you go on with your lives together, what happens next? Is the same spark there five years later? How about ten years later? We are supposed to still love when the wrinkles come and the fire is not as hot.

Have you agreed on how plans should work out, or have you agreed to disagree?

Getting married is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives. If we plan to live a lifetime together with our spouse, shouldn’t we talk to a minister ahead of time? Wouldn’t it be good to seek out what God has in mind? Marriage counseling to learn more about a future spouse would also be in order.

These things may seem obvious, but you would be amazed how many people do not do any of those things. Some feel it is more fun to run off to Reno to get married. Others decide to live together and not even get married.

God loves for us to be happy and have companionship, within the context of His will. He believes in marriage. That is why He wants us to make sure we’re making the right choices.

Running off and getting married on a whim is like putting all our life’s earnings on a blackjack table and hoping to get a 21. The chances of that happening are slim and none.

I agree that a marriage often does work out in spite of the odds. All I have been saying is pretty harsh, but just like putting all our money on a blackjack table, the Reno odds of a successful marriage are pretty dim too. Does a 50% chance seem acceptable for you? Some surveys say that as many as 50% of marriages fail when they do not have a foundation of premarital counseling that includes having plans for the future in place.

God needs a prominent place in our marriages. We need to let Him be our advisor as we plan for the future. He needs to have a special rent-free place in our hearts. No bargaining. No yearly leases. He needs to be a year-round, full-time resident, helping marriage partners live a life full of love and understanding for each other.

There should always be three people in a marriage: you, your spouse and God. The three of you make an unbeatable team.

 

Marriage should be honored by all.

Hebrews 13:4

Further Adventures

“Will you still love me? Will you still need me, when I’m 65? That song rings in my ears many times when I look at my bride. She has been with me through the storms, and the good times. Do we have nothing but beautiful rainbows everyday? That would be backwards wouldn’t it? You need a little rain to bring on the rainbow.

That is what a marriage is like. You have days when you laugh and have fun with your spouse, but there are other days when you have been hurt by that same spouse. You feel unwanted, and dejected. That is when you should buckle down and really work hard at your marriage. Your spouse is not your enemy. They may be angry at the moment, but they still love you, and by sitting down and discussing the hurts and dejections you feel, the rainbow will come out again. The key is to still love your spouse with all your heart, when they are starting to show age with wrinkles.

 

Something to Ponder

Isn’t it funny how much easier it is to forgive than to hold a grudge?

(Excerpt from: Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World.)