Violence in Military Marriages is far Too common, and Needs to Stop.

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Military news….

The last living WWII Medal of Honor recipient has died

Hershel “Woody” Williams was 98.

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Air Force selects new helmet to replace the one pilots have loved to hate since the 1980s

The Air Force picked a new helmet that could keep fixed-wing aircrew members more comfortable and injury-free.

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The US military is the only thing stopping China from swallowing Taiwan whole

As China steps up its rhetoric against Taiwan, lessons must be learned from the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

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Social media can be a weapon, and it’s time US troops get trained on it

Leaders need to be taught the risks and rewards of social media in a new era of information warfare.

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Russian boat reportedly sunk while bringing supplies to Black Sea island made famous by Ukrainian guards

A Russian military tugboat carrying a surface-to-air missile launcher to Snake Island in the Black Sea sank after two Ukrainian missiles struck it, Kyiv announced Friday.

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Endless shelling and dead soldiers: A vicious artillery war spreads in Ukraine

It’s a pitiless artillery war, perhaps not seen since WWI, involving less strategy than slugfest, both sides lob barrage and counter-barrage over a see-sawing front line and hope to still be standing when they pulverize the other side into submission or withdrawal.

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US and NATO seen in more favorable light abroad as world sours on Putin, survey finds

A median of 65% of those polled across 11 alliance member countries held favorable views of NATO, compared with 26% having negative views, Pew said.

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Here is another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. This is one aspect of the military people take for granted. However, they can’t forget it because it impacts their whole family.

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Violence in Military Marriages

In the military it is all too common that domestic violence raises its ugly head. The spouse that is left behind usually gets the brunt of it. Some signs that you may be one of those victims are:

  • Are you slowly, helplessly letting the continuous grip of despair come over you?
  • Are you pounded by guilt others have placed on you like the waves hitting the shores on the Oregon coast?
  • Does your marriage feel dead or burnt out?
  • Have you cried so much that the reservoirs for your eyes have dried up?
  • Do you fear the times when your spouse is coming home?
  • Do you feel it is better to remain silent than to say anything at all?
  • When you do speak, are you chastised or even beaten?

If you face any of these situations, you are in a domestic violence trap. Domestic violence sucks the joy out of anyone. You shouldn’t be like a bobble-head doll and let someone slap you around until you nod the way they want you to.

Angry people want to see how powerful they are.

Loving people want you to see how powerful you are.

Chief Red Eagle

His statement is so true. Angry people want to crash the hopes of those around them. They want to crush their dreams. They have to be in control. They seek power and seek submission from others.

Let’s look at what we can do to try to even the playing field in a marriage, military or otherwise.

Things that hurt a marriage can be:

  1. Making your spouse look bad in public. This can happen a lot in the military because there are a lot of functions that require their personnel to come with a spouse, and this seems to be a prime place to show others who is the boss.
  2. Putting coal in those angry snowballs you throw. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can destroy me. So many times violence starts from a shouting match where one spouse is calling the other horrible names.
  3. Using threatening statements like, “I am leaving for good,” is so hurting that the other spouse will give in and allow the horrible dream to continue.
  4. Using absolute words like “always” and “never” when you describe something your spouse does or doesn’t do can crush their heart. Saying, “You always cook the wrong food,” or “You never keep the house clean enough,” is very degrading and harmful to the marriage.

One thing I’ve noticed when someone says they have a perfect marriage is that it is easy to see that one of them is in complete control. Feelings are not allowed. The outward appearance can be deceiving. If one spouse is always quiet and you seldom hear a word from them, it is often a bad sign. Silence is a deal breaker in most marriages.

If you are a victim, or even the aggressor, you need to change the path that you’re going down. You need to do a U-turn and go back to when you both were madly in love.

Have you ever noticed in the western movies when a cowboy has ridden his horse for a while he then stops, turns around, and then looks back? Why do they do that?

They do it because the trail looks different looking back than when they rode over it. It is a way to know your way back if you need to go that way again.

If you’re in the middle of a domestic violence situation, you need to look back and find your way back to where you both where truly in love.

One thing to remember is that when you first married you thought your spouse was nearly 100 percent awesome, and you knew the other amount was under construction.

Here is a big secret. (Now don’t tell anyone.) If we spent more time acting like we were still courting our spouses long after the marriage takes place, there would be less divorces and domestic violence in this world.

We need to keep forging ahead to find new ways to make things work for us. It’s like a river that reaches places the beginning of the river never knew. There will be new paths that we have never been on, and there will be walls we have never faced. But like that same river that meanders around obstacles, we have to find ways to go through, around, or under those walls to keep the home fires burning.

We need to quit looking for the bad in our spouse. It is like looking for weeds instead of enjoying all the flowers around them.

We must allow our spouse to become. By that I mean like when a caterpillar goes completely into a cocoon and is stripped of all form; yet it is changed into a beautiful butterfly. People are like that.

We also need to God in our lives. We need to have Him heal the open wounds of the heart and exchange the horrible looks on our faces with a smile. He can do that if we allow Him to.

If both spouses let go of their own desires and allow God to guide their lives, love will automatically overflow from each them. Of course, we know that love conquers everything.

If you are a victim, get help from the proper sources in the appendix. If you are the aggressor, do the same. There are anger management sources in the back. 

IWILL

Domestic violence is very much in the minds of all people these days because of the tremendous exposure it is getting in professional athletics. Way too many sports figures have made headlines because of domestic violence. The subject is now out in the open for all to think about in their own lives.

I agree that as military, you are living a regimented and strict life you have to obey every day. But there are no excuses to bring it home and use it on your spouse.

Use any resources you can to end the terror and humiliation of domestic violence.

Think about this

Isn’t it sad how we allow others to dictate our lives to us when we are capable of much more?

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Checking in on you. How are you doing? Is everything going OK, or are you fighting back memories?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 15,219 Veterans on this site who have your back.

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If you are battling mentally, but you are losing, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will not hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up.

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War Isn’t the Biggest Battle a Soldier Has, It is PTSD

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Military news…

Why the US can’t afford to abandon Ukraine

No army, not even one as tenacious and courageous as Ukraine’s, can overcome such a numerical overmatch. And if Ukraine loses, what then?

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Watch these soldiers regret absolutely everything during gas chamber training

The Army: putting the ‘suck’ in embrace the suck since 1775.

(Remember it well)

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The real-life Maverick who took on 7 Soviet jets in a classified Korean War dogfight

The existence of the improbable dogfight remained under wraps for decades, yet the details of what happened are the stuff of legends.

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Moving Again. And Again. My Experience as a Military Spouse.

Recruiters and their families are embedded in every single sleepy little civilian town, and that is where we found ourselves next, miles from any base reminiscent of our military community. It felt so refreshing.

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Army Drops Requirement for High School Diploma Amid Recruiting Crisis

The Army is tossing its mandate for potential recruits to have a high school diploma or GED certificate to enlist in the service, in one of the most dramatic moves yet in the escalating recruiting crisis hitting the entire Defense Department.

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Battle Over A-10: Lawmakers Seek to Break Perennial Deadlock on Retiring Aging Warplanes

The carveout would still need to be endorsed by the Senate and included in a compromise defense bill for President Joe Biden to sign.

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The Army’s top enlisted leader went to Reddit for soldiers’ ideas on fixing the service’s biggest problems

The Sergeant Major of the Army turned to Reddit to ask soldiers for their help fixing issues with Army culture. One suggestion: “Cut back on the bullshit.”

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I thought I might share another excerpt from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. This is the actual foreword done by Colonel Mikel Burroughs retired.

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Foreword

By Colonel Mikel J. Burroughs, Retired

I’m very honored that the Author of this book, Douglas Bolton, even approached me to write a Foreword about his amazing work with veterans; the countless interviews hehad with some of our finest veterans, and his unique writing ability. 

In order for me to me foreward on this mission there must be a good understanding of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or (PTSD).  I’m not the expert, so I want to share with you some of the signs and symptoms of PTSD as presented by Catherine Roberts in her article the “The Signs and Symptoms of PSTD” published on ActiveBeat, March 18, 2014.  ActiveBeat provides Trending Health News and other articles about health.

Accordingly, PTSD is a mental condition resulting from a series of emotional and/or physical reactions that service members have witnesses or experienced.  PTSD is not only found in veterans or service members, but it affects many individuals not associated with the military all over the world.  This can include car accidents, physical or sexual assault, long term abuse, torture, a horrific national disaster, death of a love one, and yes the sustained operations of being in a war zone.

To better understand PTSD I’ll list some of the most common signs and symptoms that are the foundation of the author’s logical presentation for the reader most commonly associated with veterans.

Physical Pain.  PTSD often begins with a series of physical ailments, such as migraine headaches, fatigue, chest pains, difficulty with breathing, dizziness, and stomach issues to name a few.

Nightmares & Flashbacks.  It is very common for individuals suffering from PTSD to suffer flashbacks from war events and to have nightmares as they re-experience the affects of war.  These are repetitive in nature, which lead to sleep deprivation.

Depression or Anxiety.  These symptoms described above can lead to irrational and persistent fear or avoidance of certain objects or public situations, thus leaving the individual paranoid and in a state of depression.

Withdrawal.  Many of our returning veterans or those that have been assaulted that once had social interests, were outgoing, and involved in many activities suddenly lose all interest in their favorite hobbies and their friends, to include family members once they return from combat or after facing a very situation while serving on active duty.  This can also lead to drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or seeking to perform dangerous events or activities.

Avoidance.  There is an avoidance of physical or mental activities that remind them of the past traumatic events, like being around those of the opposite sex or same sex if a violent sexual assault has occurred causing their PTSD, driving on very busy roads that remind them of convoy operations, attending fire works displays, or being crowed downtown areas that remind them of traumatic encounters during urban warfare.

Repression.  Destroying memorabilia of their war time or military experience to intentionally block out the memories or immersing themselves into a project or work to distract the bad memories are signs of repression.

Emotional Numbing.  There is an attempt to numb their feelings.  This will lead to total avoidance and withdrawal from society.  Total isolation from all social circles and activities.

Hyper-arousal.  Many veterans or assault victims suffering with PTSD from Mental Sexual Trauma (MST) can suffer from jitters that won’t allow them to relax due to the fear of potential threats.  Always on edge and jumpy or easily frightened.

Irritability.  With a constant state of fear caused by PTSD this can lead to indecisiveness, lack of concentration, sleepless nights, agitated constantly making it very difficult to maintain personal relationships with friends or family members.

Guilt and Shame.  Many veterans and service members find it very hard to get past all of the negative experiences and find it hard to move forward with normal and healthy life.  They end up blaming themselves and thus resulting in the increased veteran and service member suicides that we have experienced after 15 years of prolonged deployments and combat operations during Operations Enduring Freedom (OEF) and Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF).  This doesn’t preclude that served in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, and many other operations that service members have been involved in throughout out military history.

There are no definite tests for PTSD.  Most physicians will have to take potential patients through mental and physical health exams.  PTSD Symptoms are usually present for more than 30 days.

This book provides a valuable window on information and looks into the life of real veterans through their experiences from the civilian world into the community of military culture, life, unique training experiences, and the ultimate test through combat (the good, the bad, and the ugly).

The challenges experienced by the veterans in Doug’s Interviews,are both difficult and interesting.  Doug covers their thoughts, feelings, and emotional baggage with enthusiasm, tenacity, and dedication to develop a better understanding of what America’s warriors (both male and female) are experiencing and working through in their day-to-day lives.  In this new age of global conflicts and possible future wars Doug provides state-of-the art knowledge on the frontiers and affects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  This book is a great look inside the individual aspects of those suffering or dealing with aftermath of war or service in today’s military service.  It is a great step in that direction.

Colonel Mikel Burroughs

Retired

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Checking in on you. How are you doing? Is everything going OK, or are you fighting back memories?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 15,219 Veterans on this site who have your back.

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If you are battling mentally, but you are losing, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will not hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up.

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

PTSD Can Pull you Down Into the Muck and Mire Like a Huge Magnate

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

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The White House is trying to get our minds off of Afghanistan, and on spending trillions of dollors on bills that are full of pork.

Presidnet Biden seems to be doing what ever he can to trash the military. I am hearing rumors he doesn’t like the military.

Presdient Trump loves the military. He did what ever he could to get higher funding, and praised the soldiers for their dedication.

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I am going to start sharing excerpts from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life. This is against my publishers wishes.

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This chapter will be rather Long, but I want to show you the great information it has:

People Don’t Understand Me

We all know that great, and satisfying marriages are possible, But what about those who face PTSD (Post Tramimatic Stress Dosorder, ) in their marraige?

People with PTSD may affect many more than just their spouses. It could be the parents, children, siblngs, friends, or co-workers.

PTSD is an exposure to a severe trauma.

The Mayo clinic says:

“PTSD is a mental condition that is triggered by a terrifying event.”

People who struggle with it are not crazy, weak, a failure, or even a bad person. They are looking for help just like the rest of us.

Some of the symptoms of PTSD are:

  1. Reliving the event.

A. Memories of the tramatic event can come back often and at any time. You may feel the some fear and horror like you did when the event took place. For example:

+ You may have nightmares.

+ You may feel like you are going through the event again. This is called flashback.

+ You may see, hear, and smell something that causes you to relive the event. This is called a trigger. News reports, seeing an accident, or hearing a car backfire are examples of triggers.

2. You may try to avoid situations that remind you of the event.

+ You may also try to avoid situations or people that trigger the memories, You may even avoid talking about the event. For example:

+ You may avoid crowds, because they may make you feel uncomfortable.

+You may avoid driving if your miitary convoy was bombed.

+ You may keep busy or even avoid seeking help because it keeps you from thinking ot talking about the event. (You should never let this happen. You need to verbalize your feelings to let your helpers know how they can really help you. )

3. Negative changes in beliefs and feelings.

+ The way you think about yourself and others may change. There are many symptoms including the following:

+ You may not have positive or loving feelings towards other people, and may stay away from relationships.

+ You may forget about parts of the tramatic event, or not be able to talk about them. (Again, please share your thoughts. It will not only relieve your mind, but you can get the proper help that you dearly need.)

4. Feeling keyed up

+ You may always be alert and on the lookout for danger. You might suddnely become angry or irritable. For example:

+ You may have a hard time sleeping.

+ You may have trouble concentrating.

+ You may be startled by a loud noise or surprise.

+ You may want to have your back to a wall in a restaurant, or waiting room.

The spouses of a veteran with PTSD have many of their own emotions such as:

+Sleeping probems.

+ Depression.

+Wanting to run away.

+ Feeling trapped.

+Feeling hopeless.

+ Feeling exhausted.

+They may even question their faith.

There could be a possiblity of getting PTSD themselves. like getting cancer from second hand smoke.

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I read an article in Guide Posts Magazine about a wife who started having the same symptoms as her husband who was battling PTSD. A family with PTSD in it can be pulled into the muck and mire like a family who have one of their own battling durgs or alcochol.

Wouldn’t it be great to be abe to say, “Take two aspirin and see me in the morning,” and the PTSD would be all gone? The truth is that the veteran with PTSD may never totally get over it. But the people involved can learn agreat deal from it; to handle it better. They can do this and still have a good marriage

The trauma they face may never go away, but the trauma can be reduced to the point it doesn’t control the person.

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There is much more to this chapter, but I didn’t want you to give up, because you thought it was too long.

I highly suggest you aquire this book if you are struggling with PTSD. There is another chapter dealing with the same subject.

You can read that chapter in the near future right here. Better yet… Go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your in box.

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Checking in with you brothers and sisters….How are you doing?

Do you suffer with PTSD? Do you dread the nights for fear of nightmares?

FEAR NOT!!!

There are over 13,135 fellow veterans here on this site who have your back.

If the world is just too crazy for you, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number to cal 24/7. There are highy qualified counselors there to help you, and they will not hang up until they know you are OK.

!-800-273-8255…texting838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.