Spouses Are a Critical part of the Military life

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Military news…

The U.S. military is looking for ways to make night vision goggles even more badass, like by making them as lightweight and compact as a pair of regular eyeglasses.

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There’s an abandoned Air Force base with underground tunnels for sale on Facebook right now.

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Two Marines died and 17 were injured in a vehicle rollover accident on a highway near Camp Lejeune, North Carolina on Wednesday.

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“It is still hard to say goodbye to a unit that has so completely defined the experience of being a Marine.” That’s from Marine Lt. Gen. James Bierman, who wrote a memo about the pending deactivation of the legendary 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marines.

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A soldier was beheaded at Fort Bragg over a year ago. The Army still doesn’t know why.

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Russian troops move into Belarus, DOD officials weigh options should Ukraine be invaded
A State Department official said Tuesday that an invasion of Ukraine could now come from its northern border with Belarus after Russian troops were moved into that country for military drills.

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Military services enlisted fewer but better qualified recruits at outset of coronavirus pandemic in 2020, study finds

The Pentagon took in fewer recruits in 2020 than in prior years as the coronavirus pandemic swept across the globe, but those accepted into the military were generally of higher quality than in recent years.

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British C-17s carrying arms to Ukraine fly around German airspace

British C-17 cargo planes carrying anti-tank missile systems have been dispatched to Ukraine, bypassing German airspace in the process in an apparent effort to expedite the delivery of the hardware.

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Here is a very vital chapter from my upcoming book, Signs of Hope for the Military: In and Out of the Trenches of Life.

Military Spouses Have a Huge Task

“Military counts on spouses more than any other job.”

Chief of Staff of the Army, General Ray Odierno (Retired)

One of the toughest situations in the military has to be for a spouse who is left behind during a time of deployment.

I was single when I was deployed to Korea. I was married for only a couple of months before I got out of the military, so I don’t have firsthand experience about this. But I have read many different spouses’ thoughts regarding how it was for them to be at home alone to take on all the tasks by themselves. This chapter will discuss their thoughts and hopefully give you some insight into the world of being a spouse at home during a deployment.

I guess the most important place to start is noting that there are both male and female spouses who are left behind to “hold down the fort,” while their loved one is gone. There are many wives/mothers who are deployed as well as husbands/fathers.

I have found that it may be a little harder for the man who is left behind for a couple of reasons. The most glaring one is the friend circle, or the lack of it. Men often don’t have a very big circle of other male spouses of deployed wives to share their struggles and frustrations with.

They also have to face the few (who, in my opinion, are uneducated) who look down on a man who stays behind and isn’t on the front lines himself. They are ignorant of the fact that in the real world many mothers go off to work and the dad is “Mr. Mom.”

There is no shame in this anymore than in a wife staying home and caring for the children and household.

In general what follows is what either male or female parents go through to survive in the home environment.

It seems they are always at their limit. They need to get kids off to school. Need to clean the house. Take time to do the bills. They are off to the grocery store. Pick up the kids at school. Take them to soccer practice. Pick them up afterwards. Prepare all the meals. Take out the trash. Do the laundry, and put the kids to bed.

I could list many other things the at-home spouse must do, but what I have written so far leads to a very stressful day. As a matter of fact it can be downright overwhelming.

As if all of these concerns weren’t enough, they also worry about their spouse who may be in harm’s way. They worry about enough money coming in to support the family. They may have to get jobs to help out, which leads to daycare issues or older children being home alone at times.

Speaking of the children, they seem strong. They seem to be coping better than the spouses in most cases. However, there are the times they realize their other parent isn’t around and they miss them. They begin to cry and need hugs and love.

It is extremely important that there is a circle of friends for support, male or female. Those friends shouldn’t just say, “How’s your day?” and not really mean it. They need to actually want to know how your day is. They need to sit and listen when you need them.

The distance (both emotional and geographic) between them and their spouse can be very hard. There are missed moments. There are lonely nights. There are times they are angry because they have to make so many of the decisions.

Then when the spouse returns after a long deployment, the dynamics and rhythms of home life have often changed as the at-home spouse carries the load. That can make the re-introduction of the military person into the home a bit awkward.

How about when the spouse is home? Sounds like a perfect situation, except everything depends on what the military wants. It’s hard trying to plan leaves and vacations and special occasions. They often have to be postponed at a moment’s notice.

The on-duty military spouse also may have long hours, even up to 12- to 14-hour days. The family may feel as if the parent is still deployed even though he or she is home.

One of the hardest parts for a military family is the constant moving from one location to another. Every two to three years, they have to pack up everything and move. Each family member loses a circle of friends at the old duty post and then has to make new ones at the next location. This occurs many times during an active military person’s time of service.

There is also the problem of the spouse finding a job at the new duty post. With each move, the spouse has to start at the bottom at their place of employment—if they can find a job and/or are actually over-qualified for an entry-level position. Often employers don’t want to hire someone who will probably be leaving in a couple of years. Sometimes the spouse has to settle for a less-than-ideal job in order to contribute to the family’s finances. 

And when the military says it’s time to go to a new duty post, the non-military spouse is often the one to shoulder the details of the move. I can speak from personal knowledge on this since my daughter-in-law is married to my son who was an Army officer. They moved more than 15 times during his time in the military. They often had to pack up their belongings in a U-Haul and travel sometimes thousands of miles and unload at the other end. My daughter-in-law often had to find the new home before they moved and make all the arrangements. She spent endless hours cleaning, packing, and planning the trip.

One of the toughest times for the military family is the holidays. It’s hard if the family is unable to see the extended family at this time of year. And it’s doubly hard on the family if a parent is deployed. At Christmas, the kids really feel sad because Mom or Dad isn’t there to open presents with them. This is when the at-home spouse really has to be brave and do whatever they can to smooth this time over.

Trying to find happiness in a military family during deployment is tough at best, but I received a note from a woman who told me, “Other people are not responsible for your happiness.” That tough-love statement is very true. We can’t expect other people to make us happy. We need to find our own happiness, and hope that our spouses will also help us in finding that happiness.

In concluding this chapter, I want you to know that many spouses don’t cry because they are weak. They cry because they miss their spouse. Part of that is because they wake up every day wondering if their spouse is still alive.

So to all of you, who are friends and family of those in the military, be sure to tell the military person thank you, but also tell the spouse thank you. They are heroes too.

As in every walk of life, God is the constant force to turn to during stressful times. He is close and hears your cries for help. He will give you comfort, and help you through the daily trials you face.

IWILL

This chapter was one of the hardest for me to write. My heart goes out to those who are left behind. I mentioned my daughter-in-law earlier, and I must say she was an angel in disguise for my son during his military career. She never faltered. She was always by his side. She supported him 100 percent 24/7. I can speak for my son in saying that it would have been a tough road to travel if he hadn’t had her by his side, encouraging him and loving him.

Think about this Isn’t it interesting how some people go unnoticed who are really the wind beneath your wings?

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Come back often to see other excerpts. Better yet…go to the top of this page and click on “Subscribe.” When you do lal future posts will go directly to your inbox.

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Checking in on you…How are you doing? Are you struggling?

FEAR NOT!

There are over 13,650 fellow veterans here who have your back.

If you are battling mentally, because of your love for others, but it isn’t working, GET HELP!!

Here is a toll free number that you can call 24/7. There are highly qualified counselors there to help you, and they will no hang up until they know you are OK.

1-800-273-8255…texting 838255.

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Remember:

You are never alone.

You are never forsaken.

You are never unloved.

And above all…never, ever, give up!

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+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

+If you like what you see, please subscribe at the top of this page where it says, “subscribe.” When you do, all future posts will come directly to your inbox. Also, if you know some else who could benefit from this site, please let them know.

The Countdown has begun on the Release of a New Book

It is only a matter of days now before I can officially start letting you buy the book, “Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World.”

We have the “bookstore” all set-up and ready to go. Check it out.

I want to share with you what other people are saying about the book. What follows are the endorsements that have been coming from all over the nation:

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Endorsements

 

“Plentiful in wisdom and experience, Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World, offers a lifeline to anyone adrift in the challenges of everyday living. Concentrated and easy to apply, Doug Bolton has smoothed the road for the weary traveler with Scriptural counsel that touches on the most paramount matters of life.”

-Chris Coppernoll, author of Screen Play and a Beautiful Fall

 We all love a story–especially one that leads us to answers for problems we may be struggling with. “Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World,” is filled with encouraging and inspiring stories that lead us to God’s answers for all those personal struggles.

Sally E. Stuart, author of the Christian Writers’ Market Guide, stuartmarket.com

“Sometimes it is only after we go through the darkest of valleys that
the light-beams of wisdom can shine through and illumine our path.
Doug Bolton has walked through that dark valley and, by the grace of
God, has discovered some wonderful lessons for life. You will enjoy
his ‘bumper sticker’ nuggets of wisdom.”

Pastor Scott Nelson

Morning Star Community Church 

Are you trying to make sense of your life?  Do you long for purpose and meaning in your heart?  If so, Doug Bolton’s masterpiece Signs of Hope: Ways to Survive in an Unfriendly World, is a must read for you.  Doug is passionate about his relationship with Jesus Christ and he wants everyone to know about it.  The words he writes on the pages of this book paint a beautiful picture of the truth from Scripture that God loves you and created you for a personal relationship with Him.  Just as Doug testifies in his book you too can find purpose, love, and hope by living your life all for Jesus!

International Evangelist Reid Saunders

Reid Saunders Association  
www.reidsaunders.org

‘Kind words make good echoes’ is a good bumper sticker to describe Doug Bolton’s book. The simple truths he has written echo the truths we know and love from the Word of God. It is a good reminder of God’s constant love and care for us who are seasoned Christians and an encouragement to those just beginning their walk with their Savior.

Stacey Womack, Founder and Executive Director of Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services (ARMS

 

This book that Doug has written is one to have on your shelf so that you can pick it up and read it time and time again. It could be used as a daily devotional. He gives us wonderful messages using his humor and personal experiences to make them real to each of us.  Doug’s use of Bible verses is so very relevant to each subject he is discusses.  I found myself writing them down to hopefully memorize later. The book ends with chapters challenging us to be witnesses of God’s salvation and then gives us tools and references to help us be fruitful. I will have this book on my shelf and I know I will give it as a gift to Christian and non-Christian friends.

Bonnie Nester, Author of “Moments this Good,” the story about a caregiver of a family member who has Alzheimer’s.

To anyone who hasn’t been able to experience a personal, intimate relationship with God, Doug Bolton’s book is a must read.  To the person who is exhausted from doing it all alone, who has lost their way, Doug’s beautiful journey to new levels of his purposeful life, will help you feel a most loving connection with a loving Father.  You will discover that you can never fail when following God’s quiet, most directive guidance.

-Mary Reynolds, Author of Make a Difference with the Power of Compassion

 

Doug’s collection of sayings from bumper stickers and other sources provides delightful—and usually profound—insights into the spiritual truths he draws from them.

 Sue Miholer, owner of Picky, Picky Ink, her freelance writing and editing business

 

Douglas Bolton is more than just an author – he is a fresh of breath air and beacon of hope to a hurting world. He addresses issues he’s struggled within his own journey -the journey we call life. His speaks openly and honestly about his own struggles with anxiety, hopelessness and depression that brought him to the end of himself. He brings a personal perspective into his story while weaving the truth he has found in God’s word as his means of finding a purpose that is larger than himself. He has an amazing ability to connect with and motivate individuals from all walks of life and provides them with a vision that leads to life-altering breakthroughs in their own life.

Chaplain-Addiction Counselor

Michael Clark

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Although this book conquers tough topics about why we must suffer, why loved ones leave this earth so soon, or why circumstances out of our control prevent us from helping someone in need, it is truly a book of hope. Doug’s insights, devotional-style encouragement, practical suggestions, and even his sense of humor, will guide you toward to a more intimate relationship with Christ, regardless of the complex circumstances you may be facing.            

I am delighted to recommend this book to anyone who needs encouragement, but especially those who live with chronic illness or pain.

Lisa Copen

Founder of Rest Ministries, joyfully serving those with chronic illness or pain

www.restministries.org